When the going gets rough, seek medical attention.

Well, it's been another week. I've finally started training for my job, and day 1 was pretty good. It should be understood, however, that I will have to take 3 tests throughout this training process, and anything less than an 80% will end in termination. Despite this fairly high standard, I'm not too stressed out about it. At least I have fun during the training, and as an added bonus, get to try all the delicious morsels that the restaurant has to offer.

In other news, I've been trying to get a loan to help me out of my financial troubles I've been feeling since my unemployment took up most of my funding. However, my pockmarked credit history has led to many lenders turning me down...well....all of the lenders actually. So, I went to the one loan source I know of that wouldn't turn me down (based on my credit history anyway): my grandma. The good ol' grandma loan has saved the day again. I will now be able to make this month's rent and survive to tell the tale one more month. All in all, it's been a tumultuous month, and I'm excited to have some stability within the next few....years?

Darn you Kevin Grumblessssssss....

Well, I've had reason to be less down as of late, though I still feel I've about bottomed out. I'm begging for unemployment payment from the state of MN, get sheepish when friends say we should all pay the same for our food/water/beer at "cheap food night" at a local bar, and have a lot of time to sit around all day whilst everyone else goes about their typical work day. However, today I took solace in the fact that my mom shares my unemployment situation. Right now, it seems that her and I are both feeding off of my step-father as neither of us have a job and we are both mooching money for living expenses. I guess that whole ideal of independence escaped me after graduation. It seems as if I've taken several steps backwards.

The real trouble with having nothing to do is that it makes your time seem less important. I find myself checking my phone every time that I come back from the bathroom on the off chance that I missed a call or a text message. I check AIM, facebook, and e-mail 20 times a day just to see if there's been any correspondence from the real world. I'm almost to the point of actually reading some of the spam mail I get. I know, privately, that I'm a bit down because of my not-so-recent unemployment (pushing a month and a half this coming Sunday), as well as seeing the 'max-out' limit of my credit cards getting closer and closer. I'm going to have to max out one to pay for this coming month's rent. That....is a bitch. I'm not going to gripe a whole lot. (obvious lie) I know there are people out there who are a lot worse off, and that my family's been through worse. Heck, I'm still pretty stupid when it comes to budgeting. Tonight's meal (which I thought would be no more than 4 or 5 dollars with a 2-dollar cheeseburger deal) turned out to be seven dollars, and I know that no one but me was really bleeding about that fact as we left the table tonight. It's not that it's not fair. I fully expect to be able to share the fun and festivities with friends....but....the situation and timing makes that after-taste in my mouth all the more sour.

People ask me how I'm doing since it's been so long since I've seen them; when I tell them what I've been doing and how I'm doing, the topic seems to change pretty fast. No one wants to hear about a friend who's eating the dirt due to financial troubles. So many will put their necks on the line to support their friends, but at a social event, bad news is a total party pooper. So I understand. This is my problem: I have to deal with it. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger....or at least a bit more careful for when it seems like something like your near-death experience might happen again.

So, here's to the turning of the tides in my favor. I'm sure I won't even realize it when it happens, as it just so happens that the negative stands out so much more when you're down. On another note, I got screwed by our health-care system (if you can call it that)! The federal government, which has all the information on my father and family that one may ever need, was quite befuddled when my father retired from their Navy forces. This had an adverse impact on my health insurance, as the word didn't spread that my dear old Dad was no longer working for the Navy, and so my health insurance had been cut. The fact of the matter is that I've been going to college for the past 4 years with the assumption that the US military health care system would have some communication with...well...the military when it came to my Dad's retirement. However, I got through 4 years of college, obviously pulling the wool over the Universities (and my own) eyes, making them believe that I was actually covered for the past several years. Anyhoo...I'm excited to see Michael Moore's film depicting our absurd health program here at home.

In any case, I'm hoping the little white spot on my tonsil goes away in the next week or so....or at least that it doesn't get any worse. Otherwise I'll have to go have a doctor tell me that it's tonsilitis and then fill out a little slip of paper for some generic antibiotics. Hoo.....ray.

Strange tendencies.

As of late, things have been going downhill. I don't know if it's my perception of things going downhill that's put me in the negative mindset, but within the last week I've:

-lost my job
-had paychecks returned from my bank
-become unsure of where my relationship status lies
-realized I need to budget my money better

I guess it all goes with the 'real life' situation, but...damn. I feel like I'm on a downward spiral, waiting for my bounce back into better times. I'm thinking that getting back home this weekend should help out, but all I can seem to think about now is how things are going wrong. I suppose I'll need to follow Douglas Adams' advice: Don't Panic!

I'll be brief.

Well, it's the official week two at my workplace. It's treated me fairly decent for the last week and a half, but I'm beginning to doubt my skills at the position. My first day, I exceeded expectations, but ever since, I've been doing pretty poorly. I have to meet a weekly quota of $115 average/week to remain in training, and I'm not so sure that's going to happen. I've been trying to remain positive, but 5 days of poor performance wears on a guy. I'm not so sure what to do. I tried talking to the family about it to get the back-bone support I thought I'd been needing, but everyone's quite busy right now. In any case, I'm getting wrapped up in my head, and it's poisoning my outlook on the next few days. I'm not expecting poor performance, but I'm not expecting a miracle either. Hopefully things play out well, and I can get some donations rolling in to meet my quota. It's nice being an activist, but the pressure of a weekly quota can be a bit cumbersome.

I started looking at other job possibilities. There are a few positions I've considered applying for that would have more structure, yet would still fulfill my requirement to feel like I'm making a positive impact on the world. Anyhoo, we'll see where I'm at at the end of this week. I was thinking of going home for the weekend, but saving money on driving, and having a reliable car for another week seem to overrule any reasons to go back.

However, when I do go back, I might have a motorcycle waiting for me to take care of, which is nice. I know of a place where they do motorcycle lessons up here, so if I get the thing rolling and in a reliable condition, I could be rolling about the streets of the cities on a bike. So, that's exciting. This weekend should also be a nice de-buffer from this week of occupational distress. All in all, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I've just been focusing on the darkness surrounding me.

And finally, bear tits. (I know, it's ridiculous, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone say "bear tits" before. Although inappropriate, I think it's okay to claim "bear tits" as a first for me.)

VEGAS!

We leave for the majestic journey to the south tomorrow. Our first big stop will be the hometown to pick up some necessary grocery goods. There are talks of getting all of our food (or the majority of it) for the week right away so as to save money. (Plus, I don't want to violate the fact that I've not eaten at a fast food restaurant in over a month.) I got my bag out and ready to pack today, but it never happened. I'm waking up early tomorrow to get everything I need done done before we leave. (I always find it odd how putting the same word one after the other works in certain instances.) Today was pretty slow. I finished up some post-break homework, went and got some food from the grocery store for dinner, watched two movies and about 10 episodes of a few television shows. I also called in to request a 'dialog', which I am required to do for a position with Admission Possible. I'm leaning heavily on the job as of now, but plan on looking for other things once I get back. I will have a few months to lounge before it starts after all.

I felt very disconnected today. I found myself picking up the phone, unfolding it, thinking of making a call, closing the phone, opening the phone to look at my calendar, closing it again, and then putting it down. I sometimes wonder if, in the future when I'm all pudgy with a mustache, I'll look back at life and have some regrets. Then I fall out of the disillusioned moment and go back to watching more television. Something tells me I might find that funny some day.

Springs Awakening...

I think it was last year that Clair showed me website with songs on it, with one that especially reminded her of me. It's called "First of May" and can be found here. I've listed it as one of my big 'cheer me up' songs. Today was a fairly boring day. I deposited some money from the mommers. It will fund me on my way to Phoenix this coming weekend, which is nice. After that business, I traveled to the espresso expose in dinkytown and had myself an almond earl grey tea. It was delicious. I continued walking around in the nice weather, realizing all too late that I didn't need a coat at all, so I began to pit out a bit. Thankfully, my jacket covered any signs of that. I walked across the walking bridge, deciding to leave the east river flats for another day (perhaps tomorrow), and thinking that the Guthrie was a bit too much of a walk for as late as it was getting. So, I continued on my way, and ended up sitting on a bench outside of the Andersen Library, relaxing by a big obelisk. The view of the Washington Ave. bridge and the Weisman Museum was quite nice on the refreshing afternoon. And tonight, I'm going out for some brews with the guys, which I am really looking forward to after 24 hours in MBH.

I also finished my job application for Admission Possible. It's due by the 26th, and I plan on getting it in the mail tomorrow. Although I still have to acquire an envelope. I'm sure that will work itself out though. Come mid-April, I may know if I'll actually have a job come August. (I usually don't come twice in one sentence. Hooray!) That means that May-August, I will have to set up a stinky-filler job. Which should be entertaining! I'm thinking of waiting tables.

A specific note...

Whilst choosing a video game to play today, I stumbled upon a game that I was lent from a friend. As I was playing, I was brought back four years, when I met one of my new family members. I'd come over and visit nearly every day, and am sure I was a pest, as I wasn't the only one walking through the threshold to his humble abode. We had many therapy sessions, nearly all of which were one way, in that room, but some of the time we played a certain video game together. Super Monkey Ball 2. And for that, I have this to say, "Ei-Ei-POO!"

So thank you, dear brother, for all the memories. There are several times I've thought of how great it would be good to go back to those times, but am most certain that the future holds only better oppurtunities to revel in our histories intertwined.