Darn you Kevin Grumblessssssss....

Well, I've had reason to be less down as of late, though I still feel I've about bottomed out. I'm begging for unemployment payment from the state of MN, get sheepish when friends say we should all pay the same for our food/water/beer at "cheap food night" at a local bar, and have a lot of time to sit around all day whilst everyone else goes about their typical work day. However, today I took solace in the fact that my mom shares my unemployment situation. Right now, it seems that her and I are both feeding off of my step-father as neither of us have a job and we are both mooching money for living expenses. I guess that whole ideal of independence escaped me after graduation. It seems as if I've taken several steps backwards.

The real trouble with having nothing to do is that it makes your time seem less important. I find myself checking my phone every time that I come back from the bathroom on the off chance that I missed a call or a text message. I check AIM, facebook, and e-mail 20 times a day just to see if there's been any correspondence from the real world. I'm almost to the point of actually reading some of the spam mail I get. I know, privately, that I'm a bit down because of my not-so-recent unemployment (pushing a month and a half this coming Sunday), as well as seeing the 'max-out' limit of my credit cards getting closer and closer. I'm going to have to max out one to pay for this coming month's rent. That....is a bitch. I'm not going to gripe a whole lot. (obvious lie) I know there are people out there who are a lot worse off, and that my family's been through worse. Heck, I'm still pretty stupid when it comes to budgeting. Tonight's meal (which I thought would be no more than 4 or 5 dollars with a 2-dollar cheeseburger deal) turned out to be seven dollars, and I know that no one but me was really bleeding about that fact as we left the table tonight. It's not that it's not fair. I fully expect to be able to share the fun and festivities with friends....but....the situation and timing makes that after-taste in my mouth all the more sour.

People ask me how I'm doing since it's been so long since I've seen them; when I tell them what I've been doing and how I'm doing, the topic seems to change pretty fast. No one wants to hear about a friend who's eating the dirt due to financial troubles. So many will put their necks on the line to support their friends, but at a social event, bad news is a total party pooper. So I understand. This is my problem: I have to deal with it. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger....or at least a bit more careful for when it seems like something like your near-death experience might happen again.

So, here's to the turning of the tides in my favor. I'm sure I won't even realize it when it happens, as it just so happens that the negative stands out so much more when you're down. On another note, I got screwed by our health-care system (if you can call it that)! The federal government, which has all the information on my father and family that one may ever need, was quite befuddled when my father retired from their Navy forces. This had an adverse impact on my health insurance, as the word didn't spread that my dear old Dad was no longer working for the Navy, and so my health insurance had been cut. The fact of the matter is that I've been going to college for the past 4 years with the assumption that the US military health care system would have some communication with...well...the military when it came to my Dad's retirement. However, I got through 4 years of college, obviously pulling the wool over the Universities (and my own) eyes, making them believe that I was actually covered for the past several years. Anyhoo...I'm excited to see Michael Moore's film depicting our absurd health program here at home.

In any case, I'm hoping the little white spot on my tonsil goes away in the next week or so....or at least that it doesn't get any worse. Otherwise I'll have to go have a doctor tell me that it's tonsilitis and then fill out a little slip of paper for some generic antibiotics. Hoo.....ray.